Meet Chip
Hansen
Your host. Broadcasting from a 1996 cable access channel that somehow knows your bank balance.
Chip was a mid-tier QVC host in Erie, Pennsylvania. He sold copper bracelets, knife sets, and one regrettable line of patriotic pillowcases.
Then, in late 1996, lightning struck the broadcast tower during an infomercial for a miracle stain remover. Chip was thrown 12 feet across the soundstage. When he woke up, he could see — with perfect clarity — every recurring charge on every viewer's checking account.
He's been broadcasting ever since.
The Avalanche Budget is the result of 28 years of him trying to get through to you. The expenses fall. He yells. You type or you don't. The denial map is real. The graduated categories are earned. The jingles are personalized.
CALL NOW. The avalanche is coming either way.
- 1. Words fall from the top of the screen — your real-life expense categories.
- 2. Type each word before it crashes into the floor.
- 3. Caught = acknowledged. Crashed = denied. Chip narrates everything.
- 4. After 60 seconds you get a map of your city with pins on the categories you dodged.
- 5. Come back tomorrow. The categories you keep missing will fall faster.